Posted by exodus on November 22, 2023 at 15:55:59 EST in reply to In the days of my youth, I thought we would all die of cancer, so I developed an understanding of self that I thought would make those experiences easier. I see now that I had it all wrong. It is the slow loss of the very self that I thought could carry us through cancer that will actually kill us. (n/t) from Never Mind and Opa Opa.
If I lost myself I would simply go find him, he can't get that far.
n/t
Follow Ups:
I don't believe that you really think that. Life isn't even worth the living if you don't let yourself wander far. You know that.
Maybe what you think is that your self could never really wander out of your control, which is exactly the understanding of self that I was talking about. But the more I experience dying, the less that seems to be the case. Long may you live to believe it, though. (n/t) (Alma Borracha and Opa Opa) (14:16:23 11/23/23 EST)
It's not that I don't wander, but my core goes along for the ride. I guess what I mean is my core self, the person that's been in here since I was probably 7 or 8 years old, sticks around no matter the situation I'm in. Though I have of course evolved over time to accept more parts of the world, and more of other people's experiences, my sense of self remains pretty strong.
Sometimes I don't feel like myself, but that tends to be either physical or "altered state" (illness, stress, tiredness) related. But even in those scenarios I know what "myself" feels like, and can eventually return to it. But maybe things would be different if I were cut off from the capacity to define myself. A friend of mine had a stroke, and his sense of self got a bit scattered as a result, and I'm not sure how I'd deal with that. (n/t) (exodus) (18:36:02 11/23/23 EST)
